Portraits of Resilience: Perséfone

Our Portraits of Resilience bring together powerful portraits and personal stories from women who’ve walked through our doors at Bramber Bakehouse. As you explore these stories, we invite you to stand with us as we step into the next decade of hope and healing.

My name is Perséfone, who is the goddess of spring in Greek mythology, which is why I chose to be photographed with a green flower. I felt that it has a special and unique quality to it. I am a very creative person. I love studying and learning about the arts, like crafts and music. Sometimes I paint and I’d love to join a choir. I used to work as an actress, dancer and theatre teacher. Now, my body is in pain and I can’t train like before, but one day, I might like to work in the arts again.

I’m originally from Brazil, where I didn’t have courage to be myself and make my transition because of how the community judged me. I suffered aggression from neighbours. If I went out wearing certain clothes or was seen with a boyfriend, people followed me in cars, throwing cans and insults. When I got the courage to speak with my mother about how I liked to dress as a woman, she stopped talking with me and the family avoided me.

My father was violent towards my mother and would also turn on himself. I frequently intervened to protect them both. I don’t hate them, but it is not safe for me to be in contact with them now, because of the environment they created and the things they did to me.

I first moved to the UK with my father, thinking it would be a chance to build an independent life. But I was in a very bad situation. I was forced to live under the stairs with rats and pay my father all the money I earnt. I had to clean the house and look after my cousin’s children. They all made transphobic comments about me. My cousin told me the only way I could stay in the house was to give him money, but they never paid me. He then said I should become a prostitute, but I refused. They drove me near Heathrow Airport and left me there.

I was lost. I could not go back because it was too dangerous. I started living on the streets and didn’t have food. Sometimes I danced or sang to get change [money]. I also drew Christmas cards to sell. I was just trying to survive.

A charity moved me to a safe house where I lived for two years recovering. I still have severe depression and C-PTSD. I am now seeking asylum and living in a hotel while my claim is processed.

I started my transition in the UK. In Brazil I only wore make-up and women’s clothes when playing a character in a theatre. When I first moved here, it was the first time I bought women’s clothes for myself that I liked.

At the safe house, I joined Bramber Bakehouse. When I first went into the community kitchen, it was amazing. I felt like I was in a good home. There was a big kitchen with everything we needed. Everyone was polite and kind. I liked sitting at the table, eating and talking together. The food was delicious. The apple buns were so sweet. Oh my God!

I had only been off the streets for two months, so it was hard for me to make friends and interact with other people because I was still traumatised. I had lots of panic attacks and sometimes I got flashbacks from the bad things that had happened.

I learnt different exercises and breathing techniques to soothe my anxiety. There was meditation to help us. Sometimes when I feel triggered, and feel like I am going to start crying or shaking, I do these techniques to calm down.

When I was at Bramber, I often forgot about the bad things outside. I felt safe and protected. I could listen and pay attention. At some point I thought, now I can breathe, I can be in the moment with other people.

The week after the course ended, I cried because I was missing it. It was a special place for me and one of the best experiences of my life.

Afterwards, if I wanted to give my friend a gift but didn’t have money, I would make them a simple cake. I took cakes to places where I was volunteering, my English class and the Hare Krishnas where I went to pray. My baking skills helped me make friends.

I started joining other community groups in the area, which helped me build connections. I also finally started therapy and things began to get better.

My depression is up and down. I still face harassment and abuse. It’s hard to make friends when I don’t feel safe. I am trying to focus and find a way to get through.

I feel calmer now and more present. I’m learning English and would like to study more at college. When I feel happier, my dream is to find someone who will become my boyfriend, then fiancé and husband. When I pay attention to hope, I think everything will be fine. 

Thank you to Sarah Weal (photographer), Katherine Maxwell-Jones from iMix (storyteller) and Julia Smith (floristry artist) for your careful care and support enabling us to share these stories with the world.